“It is because society tells us that women are objects, not subjects, that Stephen Hawkings can declare women to be “a complete mystery”, and have newspapers gleefully latch on to this, declaring women “the greatest mystery known to man”. It is a common refrain for men to bleat about not understanding women, but this is because they have simply never tried, because society has trained them to never look at life through the eyes of a woman.”—
OK Cupid: "or we will just go out for running, till die!"
Hello [username redacted] ! :) I tried to get more information about you, to send the right message, then I realized that you are good at dancing, so that will not be a problem. I always go to these Broadway shows, maybe you want to join me? But of course I am not into some kind of regular date, there will be always a theme. For example it can be, 20s date, we should wear like them and talk like them or we can be hippies, everything like them! or we will pretend to be really famous guys, really well dressed and limo and wine testings.. or we will just go out for running, till die!
Because I dont like regular things, I got bored really easily, and also USA is my 20th country, I lived in 4 of them :) for now here looks fine, but who knows.. Also I am an architect, but for now this seems like my hobby, since I have a app and concept design company which supports my living expenses.
“I want to be around people that do things. I don’t want to be around people anymore that judge or talk about what people do. I want to be around people that dream and support and do things.”—Amy Poehler (via inlovewiththewrongdream)
I’ve been a denizen of this fair[ly crappy] city my entire life, in one way or another. I spent some time in LA during college, but don’t worry, I got over it. The one thing, though, that I’ve consistently heard from around the US is that New York is a rude city.
This is, I feel, based on a fundamental misunderstanding of what this place is. New York is a massive city where most people have high-pressure jobs and their time is very precious. That isn’t unique, though it’s to an extreme in New York that most people from other parts of the US haven’t experienced.
It is also a city where the American infatuation with the combustion engine has been replaced by walking and public transportation. This is a small city, geographically, with an extensive system for getting you where you need to be without a car. Add to that tons of people, and it’s going to be one of the most crowded foot traffic experiences that most people have ever been a part of. This matters because it affects the basic rules of politeness within New York to a degree that you might not expect.
Many people realize, when they enter a small town, that there are unwritten codes of conduct amongst the people there that have been arrived at by years of social interaction. One of the things that an outsider has to do if they wish to be accepted is learn and respect these rules.
The same thing with foreign countries. The concept of rudeness in a foreign country will be alien to you. Many travelers wonder why they have a bad experience abroad; the answer is often that they didn’t learn the local rules for politeness and came off as total jerks. New York also has its unwritten code of conduct.
Yet, for some reason, a huge number of tourists to New York seem to totally forget that when you are a guest somewhere, it behooves YOU to learn the unwritten rules of conduct so that you will not upset the delicate social balance of the place you are visiting. Because New York relies so much on foot traffic, these people often utterly disrupt the flow in the subway or on the street, and then complain that New Yorkers are “rude” when we do not accommodate their interference with our lives.
Don’t understand what I’m talking about? At peak hours, there can be 150 people walking on a given avenue block trying to get to work. There can be 1000 or more people on a subway train. There can be 50 people trying to get off of a bus or a subway car. 100 people may be trying to go up or down a staircase or escalator at any given time.
And yet, every day I see tourists and just general social malefactors who stop in the middle of sidewalks, who hold up entire subway trains because they try to force the doors open, who block a stairwell or who try to get on a subway car before they let anyone else off.
This is a sense of entitlement that the pace of this city cannot abide.
I assure you, you do not have an excuse for delaying 1000 people who are trying to get to work. If you do, you’d be in a job where you’d have a car with sirens, at the very least. Your trip to the bank or to the American Museum of Natural History is not something that should interfere with the professional lives of 1000 people. So when you hold that subway car, and people curse at you, or when you prevent them from getting off the train and they barrel right into you, there’s a simple lesson: this is your fault, as much as it would be your fault if you blocked three lanes of the highway so you could get out and look at your map.
You’re not necessarily a bad person. You may just be unaware, you may have failed to learn about the city before you came to it, you may have forgotten to keep in mind that you’re inconveniencing a horde of other people. No doubt many of the times this happens, it’s just inconsiderate absentmindedness.
That said, it’s still rude. And when someone is rude, they will be treated rudely in return. If you come to this city, and you wonder why everyone is rude to you, what you should be asking yourself is this:
What am I doing wrong?
In life in general, you will get farther with other people if you do not always blame them for the things that go wrong in your life. Asking yourself what you are doing to produce a certain response from others will take you far in reaching a greater harmony.
And in the case of moving through New York City, it’ll help you get a long way on the road to not being rude.
Maybe….maybe if every man who has ever hired a trans escort, if every boy who has ever beat off to trans porn, if all the guys I and thousands of others have hooked up with via Craig’s List, if the millions who fetishize our bodies, who enjoy us on our knees in bathrooms, who press us against hotel windows, who lay with us in our beds, if the men who adore me and my sisters, but only behind closed doors, would STAND THE FUCK UP AND SPEAK OUT…maybe 21 year old women just enjoying an evening out with friends wouldn’t be beat to death.
Maybe if all of you who read this, our allies and friends and colleagues and family, would call out when others make jokes at our expense, even when we’re not around, if you’d tell advertisers and producers and journalists and writers and comics that you’re not okay with them making trans women nothing but the punchline of jokes or tragic tossaways, that you know us, that we’re not disposable….maybe groups of people would stop feeling so free to harass me and my sisters, maybe crowds wouldn’t just laugh when a man spits at me, or just watch when two young men chase me down the street yelling “shemale”…maybe if you ALL stood up and said enough, maybe a young woman just being herself wouldn’t be beat to death in the streets of the supposedly best place on earth to just be yourself.
Maybe if all the gay men who act as if equality means marriage, if all the white feminists who only serve those that look like them, if all the queers who drop “TWOC” like a shibboleth but don’t know or talk to or walk beside any actual trans women of color…maybe if all of you saw what was happening here and how your actions allow it, how every moment of silence, of waiting for people of color to start the conversation about race …maybe this child could have enjoyed a few more years of being beautiful among us.
A 21 year old was beat to death in our streets. It happened because she is a woman, and of color, and transgender. It happened because our men won’t admit they love us, because our friends aren’t speaking out against the thousand little dehumanizing actions of others, because our own “LGBT” community isn’t comfortable talking about race and class.
As someone who is pretty talented at certain physical pursuits, and very very very bad at others, it is often tempting to take the easy way out and never try anything new because the struggle is too much. (Lindy hop is hard! I guess I’ll just blues dance instead. I suck at running! I guess I’ll just ride my bike. I could go look like an ass at the rock gym, or I could go to the gym and do what I already know how to do.)
As someone who used to coach one of the most demanding sports there is (crew), and who still teaches people to do something most find awkward and intimidating (dance), it is important to remember that each person faces their own challenges, coupled with their own insecurities and individual aptitudes.
One of the hardest things to do is have empathy for others and goodwill toward yourself. I try to put myself out of my comfort zone, but it’s always good to have a reminder to allow myself and others to have the space to try new things, fail, succeed, or simply do everything they can, whatever the outcome ends up looking like.
Everyone should read this. Judge less, work harder, be proud of yourself.
first let me start of by saying how incredible u look beautiful , i mean gorgeous! now this is not be the best opening liner, but i wanted to know if the idea of pursuing an interracial interaction something u would be interested in? specifically with a black man?! I may not be the best looking guy in the world, but if theres one thing i know how to do is have a good time! Ull feel really good after a night out with with me, promise ;)
I hate this because when I shoot him down he’s going to think it’s because I’m racist, when in reality it’s because he’s way too illiterate for me. And if I say yes, then I have to put up with this shit. I guess when I say “no” I could always slip in the fact that I have had “interracial interaction[s]” in the past, but, that might just be insult to injury.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’m not going to respond to this.
“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”—Azar Nafisi (via vacants)
Okay, a few people have asked me what “cheese honey” is. Savannah Bee Company is a fairly yuppie/fancy honey company that makes different “flavors” of honey, in addition to selling some more traditional varieties of honey; their Cheese Honey is one of the flavors. Sadly (or not) it is not honey…